Fancy a bit of Total Body Irradation?


I'm almost certain that most people under the sun do not idealise the idea of being radiated by a machine. Are you with me?

Remember when we thought the world was going to end because some dodgy scientist was doing a Big Bang experiment that was possibly going to set the world alight? Did I made this up? I'm sure this what happened? I remember being on the school bus and everyone counting down until the moment for said blast. Little did they know the night before I ran through to my mum and dads bedroom in tears concerned about this scientist and his motives. I don't think this has much to do with radiation or today's topic, but I'll get there bear with.

We live near a nuclear power station and my dad used to tell me and my friends it is a marshmallow factory owned by Cliff Richard. Anyway, in my younger days worries used to hold me together; lurching in fear just waiting for a nuclear wipe-out. Or even just a small leak from this power station, rearing its ugly head and making a bad smell. Perhaps spreading, SEEPING out to sea if you will: leaving fear stalking my land when I'm innocently on the beach taking my dogs out for a stroll.

I still don't know how this has anything to do with radiotherapy, however I'm sure you will see my self grown personal horror story I've made for myself here. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is I've built the thought of getting radiotherapy up in my head. I mean it's really hyped.

This morning at about 8am I was wheeled from my room whilst still induced in slumber for my "TBI", otherwise known as "Total Body Irradation". Would you agree with me that it just does not sound friendly? I've spent the past four years glugging green tea everyday, yoga, running, not smoking, not drinking, not taking drugs and getting a suntan (in the real sun) every so often. Total TLC city and now your going to totally bodily irradiate me? It seems to me, hmmm UNFAIR.

So I arrive about two minutes later at the radiotherapy suite, still half asleep. It's an empty waiting room with a tunnel painted with giraffes leading into a hidden room. The nurse tells me they will be with me in a second. All of a sudden Queen - "Bohemian Rhapsody" blasts out of the room? Again. What. Is. Happening?? As the song reaches its climax the music cuts out and a man (presumed patient) stumbles out (please note that as I'm telling you the story you also have to really imagine that I'm there with you and showing you the stumbling motion, it was a real stumble.

"The machines broken, the machines broken!!" the patient tells me. That's interesting, I though. Hmm yes. Two minutes later about five mechanics marched past through the giraffe walls. Patient has taken a seat and he looks a little "zapped" shall we say. I begin to revel in horror as panic begins to take its toll. The waiting, the unknown I can't take it! What is total body Irradation???

Eventually I get taken in, stripped nude and laid down on a bed for 3 minutes whilst lined up with zapping machine. Arm bandaged over head and made joke about being painted like French girl, exclaiming that I was disappointed Leo had not made an appearance. Laughs all round then everyone leaves the room and Abba plays ominously. After three minutes, turned on my back like rotisserie chicken and left for another 3 mins for final crisp. Didn't hurt but didn't enjoy anticipation, the usual story.

Totally cheered up in the afternoon after spending the afternoon with my dad in the "Well Being Centre" massages, hot chocolates (with the full works) and smoothies all round. Radiation to continue for four days, can't imagine much more excitement but the playlist perhaps. One of my nurses is really into Take That, she knows I don't like them so I'll be really pissed off if that comes on. Must dash.


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