Bonjour!
I have just read over my last blogs and it's just a load of jibber jabber, my first blogs were slightly more informative. Apologies.
I will catch you up. From the 22nd until today (the 27th) I escaped from hospital and managed to spend Christmas with my family with only one blip. I stayed in a flat in Edinburgh as my home is too far away from the hospital. Actually getting out of hospital itself is stressful. Hoping and praying that my temperature wouldn't shoot up is even more stressful. The thought of having to go back into hospital IF that did happen on Christmas day threw lil Rach over the edge. I had a full on panic attack. For those of you who know me, I believe I come across as a pretty chilled out person. But anxiety and panic attacks happen to me, not often but they do happen. And YES they are real things. You really have no comprehension of what it is like until you experience one. I'm not being a drama queen here but it seriously feels like you are going to die.
Starts like this "Ah canny breathe,"
then "Oh nut ma chest hurts, its sare!!"
throw in some "Ma hands! Ma feet! I canny feel them,"
after that, I started breathing like some sort of wild animal.
My legs also turned into long thin pieces of jelly.
At this point I am bundled into the car and taken to the hospital, bare in mind I didn't know this was a panic attack at the time, I thought I was going to die. Whilst all this heavy breathing is going on my wee brain tries to seek out a cause but can't find one. It latches onto anything convenient. This then becomes a spark for further fear and anxiety and PURE STRESS.
So basically I arrived at the hospital they gave me a tablet called Lorazapam, which immediately slows your brain down and relaxes all your muscles and makes you very very sleepy. I was sent on my way and tried not to over think things, which is easier said than done.
Its the 27th and I am back in hospital whilst I wait for my counts to come up. I will be sitting here at New Year...I HAD PLANS. The only year I have plans. Lots of plans. Can you tell I'm in a bad mood? Although this is meant to be a realistic blog I have a loathing hate for writing it when I have a face like a slapped bum. To be continued...
I've made that sound like I had a panic attack and Christmas was sh*te. It was da bomb, I had a lush dinner and probably put on 5 billion stone, I got a pretty little Pandora ring along with lots of other pressies. OH YEAH and a signed Kevin Bridges DVD (thank you Laura at STV)
Now I am so excited to get home and I feel like I am turning into a hermit. At the beginning it was like I couldn't get a minutes peace. I'd be giving people visiting slots during the day because I had like 5 people coming in to see me. Now the visitors have thinned out and my nurses have become my new friends (obviously I still have friends you turd). So basically I'm hinting, if you ever ponder over speaking to me via Facebook or text, even write me a letter, not joking, DO IT.
I hope you all had very Merry Christmases and enjoy New Year. Also if there are any takers for spending New Year with Rachel in her hospital room, she would love that. I know I am the queen of sarcasm, but I am being serious.
Au Revoir!
I will catch you up. From the 22nd until today (the 27th) I escaped from hospital and managed to spend Christmas with my family with only one blip. I stayed in a flat in Edinburgh as my home is too far away from the hospital. Actually getting out of hospital itself is stressful. Hoping and praying that my temperature wouldn't shoot up is even more stressful. The thought of having to go back into hospital IF that did happen on Christmas day threw lil Rach over the edge. I had a full on panic attack. For those of you who know me, I believe I come across as a pretty chilled out person. But anxiety and panic attacks happen to me, not often but they do happen. And YES they are real things. You really have no comprehension of what it is like until you experience one. I'm not being a drama queen here but it seriously feels like you are going to die.
Starts like this "Ah canny breathe,"
then "Oh nut ma chest hurts, its sare!!"
throw in some "Ma hands! Ma feet! I canny feel them,"
after that, I started breathing like some sort of wild animal.
My legs also turned into long thin pieces of jelly.
At this point I am bundled into the car and taken to the hospital, bare in mind I didn't know this was a panic attack at the time, I thought I was going to die. Whilst all this heavy breathing is going on my wee brain tries to seek out a cause but can't find one. It latches onto anything convenient. This then becomes a spark for further fear and anxiety and PURE STRESS.
So basically I arrived at the hospital they gave me a tablet called Lorazapam, which immediately slows your brain down and relaxes all your muscles and makes you very very sleepy. I was sent on my way and tried not to over think things, which is easier said than done.
Its the 27th and I am back in hospital whilst I wait for my counts to come up. I will be sitting here at New Year...I HAD PLANS. The only year I have plans. Lots of plans. Can you tell I'm in a bad mood? Although this is meant to be a realistic blog I have a loathing hate for writing it when I have a face like a slapped bum. To be continued...
I've made that sound like I had a panic attack and Christmas was sh*te. It was da bomb, I had a lush dinner and probably put on 5 billion stone, I got a pretty little Pandora ring along with lots of other pressies. OH YEAH and a signed Kevin Bridges DVD (thank you Laura at STV)
Now I am so excited to get home and I feel like I am turning into a hermit. At the beginning it was like I couldn't get a minutes peace. I'd be giving people visiting slots during the day because I had like 5 people coming in to see me. Now the visitors have thinned out and my nurses have become my new friends (obviously I still have friends you turd). So basically I'm hinting, if you ever ponder over speaking to me via Facebook or text, even write me a letter, not joking, DO IT.
I hope you all had very Merry Christmases and enjoy New Year. Also if there are any takers for spending New Year with Rachel in her hospital room, she would love that. I know I am the queen of sarcasm, but I am being serious.
Au Revoir!
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